Stuck

06/16/2011

This pretty much sums up where I’ve been for the past year. To the many who alight here daily, looking for new content, just know that sometimes a cat gets sidetracked, and the litter box is the last thing on their mind.

(YouTube Link)


Resume Mistakes

11/14/2010

While chipping away at my resume, I did a little searching for tips and advice, and found this list of JobMob’s 150 Funniest Resume Mistakes. These are from actual resumes, and include such gems as:

  • “Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail”
  • Experience: “Stalking, shipping & receiving”
  • Candidate’s hobbies included sitting on the levee at night watching alligators.
  • “Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”
  • “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
  • Objective: “I want to play a major part in watching a company advance.”
  • Experience: “I’m a hard worker, etc.”
  • Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree.”
  • Accomplishments: “Brought in a balloon artist to entertain the team.”

Writing the perfect resume is hard work, and it’s easy to let typos slip through, but Wow, People.

More at the link, etc.

 


Censorship is Stupid

08/08/2010

Lionsgate Films

A memo to the entertainment industry, particularly cable TV:

Stop censoring words that you think are offensive to us, the general public. Americans can handle curse words, the young among us included. It’s fair to say that most kids know all the bad words out there; I have it on good authority (from about ten years ago) that your average 10 year old knows every word, even MF, and doesn’t use them in polite company.

This weekend, I had the unpleasant experience of watching what seemed to be a cavalcade of disaster from the sky movies on cable television- Deep Impact, Armageddon, and Terminator 3 seemed to be on repeat. If I had kids, I’d be more worried about their perception of near-future events than what was the stupidest word-censor ever during Armageddon. Steve Buscemi’s Rockhound screams “This is a kick-ass ride!” during the shuttle launch, but “ass” was simply blurred over with a noticeable silence.

I can’t believe this word in such a context is so offensive; I mean, seriously, Kick Ass is the title of a pretty successful movie aimed at a younger generation, anyway, and it’s a stupid, harmless word! Even if I said I wanted to kick your ass, it’s not like I’m implying anything sexual, and if I say this ride is “kick-ass,” it’s not like I’m implying violence.

Get over yourselves, censors.


Otto vs Egon: Bookshelf Battle

07/28/2010

(YouTube Link)

This is the high octane sequel to Otto vs Egon, and as usual, the sequel is better.


A Real Groaner

07/19/2010

One of the best things about seeing movies in a theater is the collective experience shared with a group of strangers. It occurs throughout the movie, and can be very telling during certain previews. Case in point, this clip (naughty videographer notwithstanding) captured a universal sentiment during a trailer for an upcoming horror show called Devil.

(YouTube Link)

There’s just no holding back that kind of disappointment.

UPDATE: No surprise it’s gone now, but in case you missed it, there are some scary, noisy edits, the black screen shows the card: From Universal Pictures… then: An M. Night Shyamalan Film, and many members of the audience can then be heard groaning loudly.


I Feel Fine

06/26/2010

(YouTube Link)

This is, ironically, one of those videos where at the TouTube Link, you can click the little soccer ball in the bottom toolbar, and enhance the video with vuvuzela. How awesome is that?

Warner Bros.

Sure, there is always the constant thought of furthering our technology and designing for a Jetson-like lifestyle. People have been imagining flying cars and living among robots since I can remember. I’m talking about designing products for a future that may not be so glamorous – I’m talking about designing products…for the post-apocalyptic world!

Perhaps by designing for the end of the world, we can end up saving the world…

Link to this compelling business idea.


Why Your VM Outgoing Message Sucks

06/03/2010

Here’s a brief history of events that led up to a huge portion of the population leaving a terrible, soul-crushing outgoing message on their voice mail. First, just when we were getting used to rotary phones, being able to zip that dial like a racehorse around the final turn, they changed the format. (pic: zen)

Enter the calculator-esque push-button phone. Or is it Satan? (ahem) See, this design got callers everywhere overconfident. Soon they were seeing if they could punch in digits even faster than the old, more controlled method of the spinning dial. This led to an increase in wrong numbers. (pic: stilo95hp)

We’re not just talking about a spike, but an all-consuming wave that flooded the lands of the telephone users. At one point I remember a 60 Minutes segment about it, people were being inundated with wrong numbers, and suffering a minor form of PSTD. But it was not a sickness without a measure of protection, and subsequently we got the answering machine.

After the masses figured out how to use them, answering machines began clogging people’s call time due to long-winded outgoing messages, usually prefaced by stating the phone number that was reached, and both household heads -and maybe the kids- would chime in too, followed by them all simultaneously instructing the caller on what to do when they hear a beep. This went on for a long, dark time. (pic: Wikimedia)

Which leads us to a present epidemic. The ghosts of the past still haunt many of us when we record our outgoing message on our cell phone. Personally, I think it should be short and to the point (which many of the offending are), and maybe just say “Hi, it’s [name].” And let that 15 second recording start that informs the caller on how to leave a voice message. But here’s the rub that I experience way too often upon being directed to someone’s voice mail. And please… please change your outgoing message if it starts like this:

“Hi, you have reached…”

No. No, I haven’t. I really needed to, but I haven’t. I knew who I was calling, but I didn’t reach you. WHY DO YOU MOCK ME?

(pic: Bloggoggles)


Motorcycle Merry-Go-Round

05/10/2010

(YouTube Link)

Funniest video I saw today. Some guys combine the torque of a crotch rocket with a small carousel. What could possibly go wrong?


Proclamation: I Hate My Kindle

04/25/2010

As this image from GottaBeMobile illustrates, there’s a lot backlash in the realm of book readers.

It was almost a year ago that I jumped on the Kindle bandwagon thinking one thing, while the other thing (that which shall be explained) never crossed my mind.

Until now. Well, not just now. I admit, I’ve been slow to my remorse. The strange occurence last year of Amazon deleting books by (no joke) George Orwell, including 1984, should have been a clue. But here I simply offer a meager list of reasons I liked the Kindle when I bought it, and then a list of reasons why, frankly, it sucks.

Why It Was Awesome:

1. The Cost. Being an avid reader, I could search the world over and not find books this cheap, and that means dollars in my pocket for more important things like stromboli and skydiving. A hardcover new release like Stephen King’s Under the Dome costs 25-30 dollars. $10 on Kindle. Over time, this savings, plus the gas money to drive to the bookstores, pays for the device.

2. The Download. 3G networks and the like are cutting edge technology, and it’s ultra-convenient to be anywhere, say your garage, or being dangled from a building by a mobster, and be able to order a book. Presto! It’s there, and ready for your perusal in seconds. That’s cool. It’s almost a magic feeling to have the power to make something appear before your eyes.

3. The Ease. I like to read while I’m eating. The Kindle was the answer to always having to find some impromptu weight to hold my book open so I can simultaneously digest Neil Gaiman while horking down a Spicy Italian. I hated getting mustard on my pages; now I’d just get a smudge on the Next Page button, and it wipes off easily!

4. The Free Stuff. Aside from having tons of free downloads available by indy writers and such, there’s the Preview feature in the Kindle Store. You can preview any book, usually the first chapter. It’s the reason I decided against buying The Lost Symbol.

Why It Sucks:

1. Well, that whole thing about them coming and taking books away from people after a sale was final… that’s messed up.

2. The Interface. Not as cool as it seems. the Off switch requires me to hold it for six seconds, the interface cursor is slow as hell, handling the tablet tends to result in inadvertent page turns, and the dictionary that’s built in doesn’t recognize the word “Facebook.” (Okay I made that last part up.)

3. Typographical Errors Galore. It’s terrible to be in the middle of a passage you really like, and then see a double “the,” or other wrenching editorial error a true publisher would hang somebody over. Most hilarious of this Kindle tendency is when I was reading Chuck Klosterman, and the whole chapter devoted to Rick Allen – of Def Leppard-  incorrectly spelled his last name as Alien.

4. The Feel of a BOOK. Yeah, one of the first people I bragged to about my purchase sang this true tune~ there’s just something about a book. The paging process that so happily engages the fingers and thumbs of millions daily. The ability to thumb back a few pages and easily find a passage you wanted to re-read. That’s like, yeah/no with a Kindle. And footnotes are a pain in the ass. If there is one thing to say about this aspect, it’s this: I can’t loan a Kindle book to a friend. Of course, I could loan my Kindle, but then I’d be without my whole library for however long it took them to read the book I loaned them.

5. The Future. I can’t imagine a young person growing up without some kind of bookshelf/collection that tells others who see it what this person’s reading. It’s a key and sublime element of our interaction. If everyone’s books were hidden behind clicks of buttons, and scrolling of wheels, that magic would be lost forever. I’d also like to defer to point #3 in the Awesome section, and call bullsh*t on myself. Reading should be enjoyable, yes, but if you put work into it, it’s even more rewarding. And I don’t mean work like trying to balance a tablet on your steering wheel while you drive.

6. Lifespan. What happens when the battery needs to be replaced? Besides, there’s another huge risk here; people drop stuff. Even the most careful and mindful people drop stuff from time to time. I made the mistake of momentarily setting my Kindle on the hood of my vehicle. It slid off, and although I was able to make a close enough grab to slow its descent, it ended up looking like this (the now-useless battery indicator is always there, taunting me.):

In Conclusion:

I’ll still use it for the freebies, and to research authors. But… sorry, trees… I’m going back to paper books for future purchases.


Run That By Me Again, Top Gun?

04/15/2010

The opening sequence in Top Gun features Maverick and Goose buddied up with Cougar and Merlin. They are tasked with dealing with a couple of bullying Russian MiGs threatening to breach the personal space of an aircraft carrier. Maverick achieves missile lock on one, and the MiG breaks off, headed “home.” Unfortunately, the situation is opposite for wingman Cougar (John Stockton).

Even though he broke right and high, to “see if he’s alone or not,” and looked like he had a good vantage point to see that there were two planes, right next to each other, passing Maverick, he somehow got one of them on his six; now he’s got a missile lock on him. Maverick flips his plane (and the bird), Goose takes a Polaroid, and they head back to the boat because they’re on fumes. But Cougar freezes.

As Maverick flies 150 miles away, gets everything perfect about his landing, bolts at the last millisecond, and flies 150 miles back to Cougar, we see a man petrified with fear. Did he really think the MiG pilot was serious? He seems overcome with adrenaline as he rips his oxygen mask away, but frozen into non-action.

via AviationSpectator

So, Maverick manages to talk him into a landing pattern, and after some stock footage of F-14 Tomcats dipping their wings haphazardly, he lands. Cut to the Commander sitting at his desk as Cougar enters, and turns in his wings. He says he doesn’t want to orphan his son before he even has a chance to meet him, says he’s lost his edge. Apparently the missile lock put the fear of death into him.

Run that by me again?

This is the guy who would have gotten into Top Gun ahead of Maverick, and while I can understand the “holding on too tight” to family thing completely, here’s where the whole reasoning fails. If he was afraid he was in danger of dying, having just been spooked, but nonetheless freaked out by it, wouldn’t he just want to land the plane? Yeah. He’d be the first to turn that thing around and beat Maverick back to the safety of the ship, where he could get out of the deathtrap that threatens his current existence. As much as I’ve always liked Mr. Stockton (he was also in Losin’ It with Cruise) and Tony Scott, this is a lame, failed mini-character arc.

But at least there’s this tribute:

(YouTube Link)


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