I just might (might) be in theater for the premiere of Transformers 3 when it opens sometime in the distant future. Word is, director/producer Michael Bay is sick of celebutart Megan Fox’s shit, and wants to kill her character off. Maybe even in the opening moments. That. Sounds. Wonderful.
Now, the icing on this rich, tasty cake is the obvious question: How? Well, Cinematical to the rescue with five saliva-inducing ideas. I mean, c’mon now, this ain’t Kristen Stewart we’re talking about. That girl at least has acting chops. Here’s their first idea, but I like ’em all.
She’s a Robot
The most obvious way for Bay to kill Fox was mapped out for us in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me: make Mikaela a femmebot. Remember that thanks toRevenge of the Fallen, the Transformers can look just like humans now. In fact, they can look so human that they can get Sam’s hormones pumping … something Mikaela seems to excel at. Couple this with the fact that she’s extremely good with machines, has a flimsy background (no mom, dad in jail, etc), and signs point to oil in her veins. In Transformers 3 it’s found out that she’s a Deceptibot, and is either called on the carpet for failing so many times that they terminate her, or she dies in Sam’s arms in the middle of a ginormo robo-battle, just after confessing what she is. A single, oily tear slides down her cheek as Shia screams “NO NO NO NO NO!”